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Category Archives: HUMOR
10 Costumes a Pornstar’s kid shouldn’t wear on Halloween
Yeah, I like doing pornstar lists.
10. Jack & Jill- I think Andrew Dice Clay summed this one up nicely.
9. Almond Joy & Mounds candy bars- sing it!
8. A director- if the kid yells, ACTION, mommy might give you a treat.
7. Two girls and 1 chocolate ice cream- please get their own ice cream
6. E.T.- mommy might have flashbacks of work today.
5. A monkey- there will be no spanking the monkey on Halloween
4. A donkey- you don’t want mommy to get excited
10 Things a Pornstar can’t say at Thanksgiving
This is a list, not a blog post.
10. Gobble gobble
9. Gravy please
8. Shit, I burned the turkey! I guess we have to order sausage pizza.
7. Turkey is done.
6. Grace
5. I got a bone the dog can lick clean
4. More breast please
3. I like stuffing
2. Cream pie anyone?
1. I don’t care, white or dark meat is fine. It all slides down my throat nicely.
Juicy Hotdog MMO
As some of you might know, I had a big, juicy hotdog for lunch yesterday. I stared at that wiener for a good 10 minutes before I chomped down on it. It was gone in seconds. I was left feeling empty as I wiped the speckles of ketchup off my chin. Damn mustard dripped on my crotch. There was something magical about that hotdog…
Hype:
Sex and Gaming
Some topics about gaming are just not touched on at other blogs. I think it is important to know every aspect about gaming. It doesn’t make me popular, but I enjoy theorycrafting sex and gaming. Gamers have to know how to get it on and raid at the same time. I am here to help. There is nothing worse than choosing between raiding and a booty call. This is a quick guide on how to have your cake and fuck it too. Ahh, the things we can do with cake. Just a warning, the risk of getting a yeast infection (male and female) is increased when cake is smashed into the privates area. Here are a few tips to having sex and gaming:
My Cataclysm Guild Beta Essay
Dear Blizzard,
I have spent 6 years playing your game off and on. I was the guild leader of a guild called < Lick My Catajysm >, but you banned me and deleted my guild. I spent hours trying to think if that name. I even made a new character to run the guild called, Shootinmyeye. All is lost now. This is not the first time you have screwed my life up. Let me take you down memory lane.
Seriously, if I read one more post about LotRO going F2P…
…punch someone in the ass cheeks! Ok, LotRO is going to free to play, whoop-de-do! I looked at my RSS this morning and it was like a bunch of bees swarming over Whinnie the Pooh. I get it is reeeeaaaallly exciting (sarcasm), but after the 10th post about the same damn thing I was in ass punch mode.
Tonight, I am going to go home and make picket signs. Then, I am going to log into LotRO and run my character through Bree naked screaming, “Did you know LotRO is going F2P?”
Blogger Popularity Tier Checklist
I made a quick checklist for all bloggers to know how popular they are. 10 is the bottom of the barrel n00b blogger an 1 is the elite master blogger.
10. You use a free blogging service.
9. You are self-hosted, but you have no idea what to do so you use a free service template.
8. You get a great artist to make you a banner, but your writing still sucks.
7. You bought Blogging for Dumbies, but you are too lazy to read it.
I sucked my teacher’s breasts!
Ok, the title might throw you off a bit. I know I am known for my serious reporting of MMOs, but that same phrase came up in my search terms today and I couldn’t help telling you all. Accually, it got me thinking about odd things I have done in life. Not only real life, but in MMO life. I have not always been the serious guy you read today. When I was younger, I was a bit of a joker. I remember when I was about 10 and discovered my balls shrunk when they got cold. I spent hours laughing while I heated and cooled my sack. I had a friend when I was about the same age that liked to blow air at chickens’ asses. From what I remember he enjoyed watching it open and close. Soon after he told me this, I beat him up and was not his friend anymore. The point is, we do the funniest shit as kids. Sometimes as we grow up, we forget what it is like to have fun. As gamers, we get a chance to let our kid come back out long enough to suck on our 75 year old teacher’s breasts. Atleast, that is better than waiting for a chicken to fart in our face.
362.87Kg Gorilla
Why in the heck is World of Warcraft called the 800lbs Gorilla when more people use the metric system? Is 362.87Kg less devistating? If a 362.87Kg gorilla wanted to slap me around, I’m sure it will hurt as much as an 800lbs gorilla.
As you can see, I’m a bit annoyed by the phrase, “800lbs gorilla”. It has been used too many times and it is getting a bit flaccid. I just dislike the same saying used over and over again. I’ve become numb to the effects. Is it just me or are you annoyed by that saying? There are several other phrases that drive me up the wall like: Up and at ‘um!, go get ‘um tiger, easy peesy, not till the cows cone home, when pigs fly, I just jizzed in my pants, hotter than 2 peckered Billy goat, ect…
1.Choose your own Blog Adventure
I come up with a lot of ideas in a day. My mind is constantly thinking of things to write. The problem is, I can’t fit them all in one post. Sometimes I have gaming ideas and other times, I just have wacky ideas. My wacky ideas just don’t fit on my blog anywhere. I do write about them and leave them in my draft folder to rot. At sometime, I would like to show this ideas to you. And then, I thought of this post.